Time 2 Compete

How to Create An Over-Hyped Sports Sensation in 10 Easy Steps.

I wrote this article thinking that I’d use it in a writing sample for a little sports website called Bleacher Report. (It’s not actually so little, but.. whatever.) The timeliness of the article passed, so I decided to write it and post it somewhere just to have it out there. Note: it’s supposed to be a bit snide, but please don’t take it too seriously.

How to Create An Over-Hyped Sports Sensation in 10 Easy Steps

So you’re a franchise owner, looking to put your city on the map. This is a good place to start, what with all the hype and media coverage of new talents in the sporting world. Stars will rise and they will fall, but can you artificially create that? Of course you can! Here’s how:

Step 1: Start with a struggling team.

Any struggling team, but make sure that there is a past history of winning. Fans remember the past and like the past when said-team was a winner.

Step 2: Find a guy who is 6’3”.

Oh yeah, and make sure he’s committed and dedicated and motivated. That, too. But, the important thing is that he has to be that height.

Step 3: Spice it up with a religious factor.

Evangelical Christian? Check. Desire to one day become a pastor? Sure. It’ll get most people riled up, so more news attention.

Step 4: Aim to empty out the most important position on the team.

Quarterback, point guard, etc. Make sure that the place where you’re soon-to-be sports spectacle can shine the most is available. Clear it out via injury, trade, or other method, just make sure it’s available.

Step 5: Create a persona of highly driven ambition on the field…

“Leader” is one word for it. This player has got to be able to motivate his teammates and the franchise. High-energy and a play-maker.

Step 6: …and humble down-to-earth guy off the field.

He can’t be too cocky or arrogant. No ball-hogs or “I am the best thing to happen to this franchise” guys now. That undermines the whole likability factor.

Step 7: Make sure the media knows that this player isn’t quite right for your organization.

Whether by outright verbal comment or very little playing time, make it clear that you prefer to lay your bets with someone else. At least…in the beginning of the season. This also works as a motivating force for your soon-to-be sports star.

Step 8: String together a streak of upsets, including one very clutch moment.

Beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in the playoffs in the beginning of OT or call an iso play and hit a cold-blooded three-point shot with 0.5 seconds left in the game to take the lead. Whatever works.

Step 9: Make sure their team colors are blue and orange. 

Coincidence? I think not. They are complementary colors and look good on uniforms. What do you do if you already have team colors and they’re not orange and blue? Change them!

Step 10: Profit from the quickly selling jerseys as they fly off the shelves.

Good-bye, Sidelines. Hello, World. Highest selling jerseys make the news; not just the sports news, but also national news. Everyone loves things that help the economy. This is the American thing to do.

Disclaimer: Results may vary highly due to the often capricious public response to different athletes. Factors that may play a role in the success of your star include, but are not limited to: race, Superbowl ad appearances, outspokenness of faith, and actual ability to make plays. Results may vary. See Tim Tebow and Jeremy Lin for examples.

Now, go out there and make it happen, owners! I’m looking at you, New York Mets, Detroit Tigers, New York Islanders, and Edmonton Oilers and Chicago Bears.